valyssia: (Faith Well C'mon)
[personal profile] valyssia

Summary: Green is the color of…
Rating: FRT: Contains Some Mature Themes: Parental Supervision Suggested.
Word Count: 779.
Commas Brought to You By: Howard Russell.
Character/Pairing: Gen.
Prompts:  #340 Kiln at Taming the Muse.
Disclaimer: Another day, another…they don’t pay me anything at all. I just do this to amuse myself and you. That’s what allows me and mine to slip under the radar while playing with characters created by those more fortunate than us.
Author’s Note: Written for [com]winter_of_faith.



A Study in Chartreuse



Her majesty’s court’s in session. All of the usual suspects are huddled around the library table. All but two: me and Lady Weskit. I stand off to the side leaned against one of the big ass bookshelves Giles calls ‘stacks.’ To me ‘stacks’ have dick to do with books. They belch the shit that gives the air that comforting, carcinogenic, ‘city’ flavor that makes smoking totally optional.

His Whineness paces, frothing at the mouth and gesturing like he’s trying to hail a cab. Dunno what’s got his panties in a wad. Mostly because I haven’t been paying attention.

I think he’s concerned that he’s not being taken seriously or something. I can’t imagine where he got that idea. Probably the fact that everyone’s been doing the doings that need to get done. Big Brother’s fat thumb getting in the way hasn’t set them back an inch. You’d think he’d get it figured that they have it figured. It isn’t that hard. See a monster: slay it. The job description’s pretty much covered in the title. Even B. isn’t that mentally challenged. She seems to see the same. It’s written all over her scowl.

Good for her.

Poor old Wesley isn’t that bright. He seems the sort who needs a diagram, written instructions and permission in triplicate to wipe his own ass.

Not that any of this bullshit matters to me. I’m just here for the funny. El Jefe thought there might be some intel to be gathered if I stuck around. I tried to tell him that intelligence was needed for intel to happen. He told me to do it anyway.

Whatever.
 
Suddenly, Giles cuts in, flustered and blustering, and too damned loud to ignore, “The detail I believe that you’re missing is that our situation hasn’t changed.”  

“You think not?” Wesley snaps. Dude looks like he’s about to blow a gasket. “You’re quite mistaken. Your situation has changed radically. You aren’t the one who’s in charge anymore.”

It’s like a pissing contest in tweed. Mr. Belvedere versus Jeeves for the title shot. Who’s more bunged up? Might wanna make room, in case one of their masses goes critical. Only, my guess, this’ll be less ‘kaboom’ more ‘glug, glug, glug,’ like the sewers backing up. And don’t get any on ya. Their shit might never wash off.

I expect B. to say, ‘Like we care,’ or something like that, but she doesn’t have the backbone to call this what it is. No one does. They all just look disgusted. Except for Giles. He’s all thoughtful, like he’s working up to offering some sort of pseudo-sage advice.

Mr. Wizard eventually gets there. “That might well be true, from a certain, skewed perspective; nevertheless I maintain that our situation has not changed. The Watchers Council’s edicts have no bearing on whether or not we’re in over our heads…” Wesley puffs up, eager to bitch. “…which, in case you’ve failed to notice…” He squeezes in a vocal tic. “…we most assuredly are.” It looks like the obnoxious little twit might just burst. Giles talks over his huffing and puffing, “Perhaps you’ve noticed that the number of Slayers is rather disproportionate to the number of creatures needing to be slain? Given that many of those creatures are drawn to fonts of evil energies—such as the Hellmouth above which we now stand—I believe it might be wise for us to focus our efforts on something more constructive, such as attempting to hedge our own somewhat tenuous chances of survival.”

That pretty much stumps them all, even Wesley. Which is cool. At least they get that they’re on the losing side.

Well, all except Xander. He perks up. A question forms behind his eyes. It doesn’t take him nearly long enough to get around to asking, “I’ve been wondering. If someone can be slain, does that mean they can be kiln?”

Really? That’s what he had?

I check B.’s reaction first. Go figure. She seems to seriously be mulling it over. I feel like telling her ‘yes’ because ‘kilt’ is a skirt.

Little Miss Poindexter appears mildly scandalized. Then she finds the funny, at least that’s what her expression says. What she actually says is: “Only if they’re really hot.” More like she mumbles it. Her voice is so soft I doubt the guys even heard her. I guess she wonders too ’cause she looks at them, then at B., then at me, her attention lingering only long enough for conclusions to be drawn. Not long enough to sport the embarrassment that follows. That’s pretty much hidden by her hair.

Yup, we’re still what we are. Wanna go again?

Date: 2013-01-25 07:40 pm (UTC)
pickamix: (Faith)
From: [personal profile] pickamix
Another knockout!!! Two for today and both of them excellent!!!

*hugs and love*

March 2014

S M T W T F S
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Functions


 
Little About a Girl
 
The Latest Nonsense
 
My Chorus
 

 

Indexs


 

 
Fiction Master List
 
Monthly Fiction Recap
 
Archive History
 
Tags
 

 

Fragments


 

 
FRTCharlatan’s Web
 
FRTFleeting Moments
 
FRCFootprints
 
FRCHow Not to Say No
 
FRMPossession
 
FRCSomething Glue
 
FRTA Study in Chartreuse
 

 

Short Stories


 

 
FRAOAnd Wouldn’t You Be Bored?
 
FRMAnother Side of Faith
 
FRTAnswer Me These Questions Three
 
FRMCounterpoint
 
FRAOIn the Mourning
 
FRAOOne Kiss, Two Kiss…
 
FRTOne of Five
 
FRTOne Teensy Little Problem
 
FRMThese and Other Differences
 
FRMWalk About
 
FRTWiddershins
 

 

Side Stories


 

 
Table of Contents
 
FRAO-GVBloodlust
 
FRTNew Blood
 
FRTNow and Then
 
FRAO-GVVicarious
 

 

Novellas & Novels


 

 
FRAO-GVBloodletting
 
FRAO-GVBloodletting (the Final Cut)
 
FRMFlood
 
FRAOVanishing
 

 

Series

ACROSS SEASONS


 

 
Table of Contents
 
FRTCrossed Wires
 
FRTCross Words
 
FRTCross Purposes
 
FRTWhere Dreams Cross
 
FRTCross Section
 
FRTPaths Crossed
 
FRTLines Crossed
 
FRTCrossing the Rubicon
 
FRTIn the Crosshairs
 
FRTCross Examine
 

 

A.T.S. (2009 – present)


 

 
Table of Contents
 
FRTThe Outsider
 
FRMThe Noose
 
FRMBlue
 
FRMGravity
 
FRAO-GVCrimes
 
FRMEpitaph
 

 

A.T.S. Fragments


 

 
FRAO-GVCrimes: Dream Sequence
 
FRAOCrimes: The Second Time
 
FRAOCrimes: It’s Just Sex
 
FRMCrimes: Fresh Linens
 

 


 

 

Empty Spaces


 

 
Table of Contents
 
FRTA Single Step
 
FRCThe Paragon of Monsters
 
FRTCrossed Wires
 
FRTIt’s a Glamorous Job…
 
FRTOwen Who?
 
FRTAbsolute Zero
 
FRCKinda Pretty
 
FRTFishwife Blues
 
FRCGlass Heart
 
FRTPeanuts
 
FRTAnother One Closes
 
FRTIn the Time of Wolves
 
FRTStone
 

 

The River’s Daughter


 

 
Table of Contents
 
FRTIn Blue Moon’s Light
 
FRTJupiter
 
FRMCapture Theory
 
FRAOAn Effigy to Aphelion
 
FRAOA Keyhole in the Sun
 
FRAOHesperus in Retrograde
 
FRTThe Two-Body Problem
 

 

S.O.R. Fragments


 

 
FRMA Prelude to Schism
 
FRTBalance (an Interlude)
 
FRTTherapy and Waffles
 
FRCSoft Spot
 
FRMUse of Force
 

 

Thirteen Steps (2007)


 

 
Table of Contents
 
FRMThe Outsider
 
FRMThe Noose
 
FRAOGravity
 
FRAOBlue
 
FRMWeak and Powerless
 
FRAOPet
 
FRTLullaby
 
FRAOThe Package
 
FRAOFor Marie
 
FRAO-GVCrimes
 
FRAO-GVA Stranger
 
FRAOVanishing
 

 


 

 

Essays


 

 
FRTOn Writing Series
 
FRMA Selective Meme
 
FRTFanFiction Writing Meme